Archive for May, 2013

A Woman’s Place

I was recently informed that since I am a stay at home mother who, gasp, needs help from her hardworking husband from time to time with things like the lawn and laundry, I am lazy. According to the feminist narrative, since I do not work outside the home for money, my husband should really put his foot down with me. The assumption is that beyond feeding and dressing babies and cooking, I do nothing besides sit back and watch my cash cow of a husband provide for my every whim. And while my husband is very generous with his help and has been known to do late night cheeseburger runs, I know this is untrue. I know that I am making people, molding souls and ensuring that my girls have a happy place to call home. I know. Then why does it feel like such a slap in the face?

I suppose it’s because my interior monologue is riddled with self doubt about how well I’m doing as a Woman (TM). I don’t bring in any money, which we need. I can’t drive, though I am working on that. My house is not a showplace, but since I only have one small baby at home all day while big sister is at school, according to some it ought to be. The fact that it isn’t, and that I do feel badly that I hardly ever make myself write, despite the fact that I want to write, shakes me up when I’m confronted with worn out feminist claptrap.

Here’s the thing. I can talk  the talk about how wonderful at home motherhood is. And it is wonderful. When I really think about it, there is absolutely nothing I would rather do. It’s hard work, particularly emotionally, but most things worth doing are hard work. My angst (and it’s definitely angst, not to mention agita) comes from the omnipresent prevailing narrative that choosing to stay home with your kids is less than good. It’s a waste, a second best choice, a symptom of patriarchy, the only option for loser women who can’t cut it in the real world, or who are just plain lazy and selfish. I admit, I am often lazy and frequently selfish. But not with my children. I could get the house spotless, day in, day out, if I restricted their movements and ignored their pleas for attention. I could have the worlds most immaculately kept yard if I could only keep them in their room for at least three hours a day. In the long run, though, while I love having a clean house and pretty garden, I think I’d be more upset at having children who wondered why Mama was so mad at them so often, or who didn’t pick them up when they cried. I don’t like to sound like something off of Sanctimommy, but I do like to think that their emotional well being trumps some disgruntled feminist’s ideas about what is appropriate behavior for women.

What do you do when someone in your life gives you a hard time about what you do? Chime in!


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Five Favorites

Thanks to Hallie for what is basically a writing prompt for me.It’s an unfocused kind of morning, as I’m nursing the baby and typing, which leads to an unfocused non-theme. Here is some stuff I really like. Enjoy.




Tea. The fact that this is really the only thing I can think of to start off and it’s nine-thirty in the morning gives you an iea of how important this is to me. My favorite, specifically, is PG Tips, purchased at World Market for less than my local store charges. I am addicted to caffeine, but I find that tan-your-hide strength black tea works better and .doesn’t make me feel as edgy as coffee does. Nectar of the gods.



The Chronicles of Narnia. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe was the first big kid book I ever read. I was five. Philomena turned five in March, so we got her a copy. We finished it two nights ago and it was wonderful. Her reaction was a heavy, contented sigh and “Mommy, I miss Narnia.” Next up, Prince Caspian. Yes, I am one of those people who strongly believe the books should be read in the order of publication. If you want to argue, you may take it up with me in the combox. I will win.



My new shampoo and conditioner. Nature’s Gate makes a beautiful henna shampoo. It lathers up beautifully without anything harsh and really does improve the shine in my hair. It’s also pretty cheap, even at my local organic hippy store. You know, the one where I buy my organic hippies.



Rowan Pure Wool DK. Expensive and hard to find in the US. I took up crochet last year, got distracted, and took it up again this year. Right now I am making a pile of three inch multicolored stars that I’m going to string together into a bunting for the girl’s room. I have four blankets to make in the next year or so, and I have  to use up the yarn I have before I buy more. This is the wool I want.


Ralph Vaughn William’s unearthly setting of Psalm 90.


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